Monday, August 4, 2014

It's Not My Time Yet

Here's what the beloved little voice had to say to me today: it's not your time yet, sweetie.

...

If only I become rich and famous
, I thought growing up, I will be ok. Whether by upbringing or environment, I became convinced that my only way "out" was to become lauded. At first I thought I'd become a beautiful movie star. When puberty hit, I de-prioritized that goal (though it never really left) and decided I'd be ... a quirky belting Broadway star! --- Hrm, no dancing skills to speak of, so better amend that ... an opera singer!

I struggled, and still struggle, to find my thing, my niche, my area of expertise that all others look to me for guidance on. I'm looking for a way to be powerful, because I'm afraid of what it means to not have power. In a world where I need money and power to be safe, being niche-less means I am vulnerable.

I'm starting to think that's ok.

It's not my time yet to be a leader. I don't have experience to share yet. What I can share is my time and my attention. I can be a conscious follower. I can be part of the village, and I can learn from my elders. The older I get, and the more the scales of stubborn independence fall away from my eyes, the more I realize how much there is to learn from my elders.

I hope that, someday, it will be my time to lead. And I hope I'll do it from a place of soft wisdom and peace, instead of hard anxiety and fear.

7 comments:

Kim's Kitchen Sink said...

My belief is that anyone with the interest and desire to learn can be a leader. You may have more to share than you think - don't think you just have to wait until an obvious moment, or until you have "enough" to share. Gotta start somewhere! There is *always* more to learn, and being a leader in some ways doesn't mean not being a follower in others.

Helen said...

I agree with what you're saying. I think I have enough experience to be a good mentor. My sentiment comes more from a place of accepting what true leadership is, and the kind of leader I want to be. In that old Aesop's fable, I want to be the Sun, not the Wind.


It very much is all about the "come-from place," as a certain wise friend of mine says. ;)

Kim's Kitchen Sink said...

ah, yes, such a wise person to say such wise things!

disqus_NI8D3UhOjC said...

Ninguém faz um líder assim como não há um psiquiatra que cure um ladrão.Ambos já nascem para serem o que são. Ninguem lhes ensina ou empresta nada, absolutamente NADA! ZCM/06/08/2.014/Pt Saudações.

Jenna said...

"What I can share is my time and my attention. I can be a conscious follower. I can be part of the village, and I can learn from my elders. The older I get, and the more the scales of stubborn independence fall away from my eyes, the more I realize how much there is to learn from my elders."


Oh man. Yeah. I remember that happening. Here's a tip: It keeps on happening. I learn more when I stop and listen, even in the areas that I consider myself to possess some "expertise." There's always someone who knows more, or if not more, just something *different* that makes a difference in my own life.


Keep on keeping on!

Helen said...

Right on! I am definitely playing with the patting-head-rubbing-belly feeling that is confidence + deference. Sounds like what you're saying too. Thanks for sharing, Jenna.

Sara Radtke ( betheliz)Sara El said...

Yes , I know you're absolutely right . I'm always learning